10 Day bender short version.

          Been drunk for 10 days NO BIG DEAL. Not like day drinking all the time but every night I have been waaasted. I've spent about $1000. I would be really really mad at myself but fuck it, I have had probably one of the most fun weeks of my life. I fucked a straight girl ... thrice.  I also hit on/made out with a wide variety of other straight girls, most noteably while at New York Deli. I got chased by geese at Byrd Park. I bought two watches, and 4 v-necks. Ate a ton of sushi on some sweet brodates. Got delivery every day. Bought an 8th and lost it. Got another 8th and smoked it. Bought 10 bottles of champagne at Xtras. GM went to jail. There is a picture of my naked tittie pressed up again other naked tittie .... plus we cant even figure out who the other tittie is. Woke up on the couch with no pants on alot.  Also woke up bloody a couple times. So there is the basic outline.

                The best thing that happened this week was fucking a straight chick. I've known this girl since summer time. She is the sister of a girl I used to work with and she is fucking adorable. Really pretty eyes and she has a fucking lisp which is the most endearing thing ever. I've have gotten wasted with her a few times and I always felt like maybe she was hitting on me but I wasn't sure. So she had hit me up on facebook a few days prior and given me her number. Well monday I decided to hit up mugnight at deli. I got there around 6 and ordered food. I was meeting a girl there who has a girlfriend and whom I think is cute. I also decide to invite the straight chick and a girl who has been my booty call for 8 months and may be pregnant. I fucking worked the room like a champ buying all the girls drinks and continually flirting/dissing. Well needless to say I blacked out. I come to and I'm at the straight girls house making out on the couch. I'm pretty excited about this so I come up with the suave line "uh do you have a bed".
                 Of course I go for it. We do the damn thing. I am totally on my A-game. I wake up in the morning and there is blood all over my hand. Gross I know but whatev I'm sorta used to it since I tend to forget to cut my nails. So I rush to the bathroom and fucking bleach my hand. No harm no foul. I'm out at Weezy's the next night and she texts me "You broke my vagina" whoops! She also told me that if I was trying to convert her I did a bang up job. (by the way we have hooked up like 3 times now .... wooohoo)

The joys of alcohol

            So friday I can't remember what happened.  Not because I got super wasted but because my brain is currently swimming in alcohol  and I cannot think so well. Saturday Leslie got us tickets for Girl Talk and that happened. We pregamed by drinking two bottles of Andre.  It was an awesome fucking show, better than the first time I saw him. Leslie and I met this couple from Lynchburg who work at Liberty University (gross).  The wife had huge tits! Leslie told them that she got me the tickets for my birthday and they let me in front of them, which was absolutely right in front of Gregg Gillis. I think I got some of his sweat on me.  The wife was rubbing her tits on me the wholeeee night.  We ended up making out at the end of the night .... of course. 
            So then Leslie and I take a cab to Babes.  GM shows up and we have some drinks.  I am fairly drunk by this time.  The punk hottie Michela I am almost in love with calls me.  She has two friends with her and wants to hang out.  I am soooo down. So we all go to my house.  Duke shows up and manages to knock over all 200 of my dvds and vhs.  We have a couple beers so we drink all of those. Its around 3:30 am now.  The hotties friends leave and GM falls asleep on the couch. It's me and Michela now.  So we go to "bed". Actually did not have sex! Which is sorta a big deal because this girl is one to wife down.  However we made out for like a whole hour. It was awesome, I haven't done that in a long time. I wake up groggy as shit in the morning and I was so happy to see a perfect body without a shirt on in my bed.

Oh Babes

So I love Babes. Like I love Babes a lot. Partly because I love the atmosphere and partly because Liz is the cutest thing in the world. So last night after work I head to babes with a couple friends for kareoke like I do every wendsday. The night started out very normal. Most of the people there were my friends which I am totally cool with.  Some of said friends did "Bad Romance" kareoke which made me really happy. 
      Well there was a girl there that I am quite fond of.  We've been hooking up on and off for a longgg time. I used to enjoy cheating on my girlfriend with her (god I'm an asshole) and we have a weird relationship type thing. So we are hanging out talking, I'm trying to be good because I didn't want Liz to get angry at me for making out with another girl at the bar, which sometimes happens.  The night continues on. The girl I like is all over everyone else so I'm like fuck it I'm just gonna flirt with Liz.  Which I did.
       So Liz notices two people making out outside of the bathroom on the cameras.  So we watch for a minute and realize its the fucking girl I like and a new friend of mine. I am not exceptionally thrilled and even less thrilled when they go in the bathroom together.  Chris, the other bartender goes and bangs on the door ....nothing happens.  Finally he has to get the key opens the door and they are totally finger banging on the floor.  Of course Liz kicks them out.  I'm pretty bummed out at this point but Liz gives me a free shot of Jameson and she is hot it made me feel better.
         So I head home with my buddy GM and on the way my friend Colby calls me and wants to chill.  Colby is super cute and a sweetheart.  He is also very wasted when he shows up. At this point Liz texts me saying she is gonna stop by for a little so I am trying to sober up slightly oh and sidenote GM is asleep in my bed.  Well I end up making out with Colby for a little because as mentioned before I am slutty. We stop all that nonsense and hang out with Liz for a little. At this point I'm like fuck those bitches fucking in the bathroom, atleast I got to hang with Liz outside of work. So liz leaves and poor colby tries real hard to get me to "sleep" on the couch with him.  I chose GM instead because A; I like my bed and B; I know that no funny business will occur.  I think we cuddled a little it was nice.
Conclusion: Girls are crazy but play your cards right and wait for the right one. and also don't fuck in bar bathrooms.

What the F happened last night.

So first off let me just say that I am GAY. Specifically a lesbian.  However, I am also slutty and this fact gets me into awkward situations with both sexes. I am tragically in love with one woman or perhaps it is just the fact that she has the biggest breasts I have ever seen and she has freckles (I am a sucker for freckles). This being said I will continue with the story of my awkward night.
       So lately I've been hanging out with some punk girls. They are pretty damn hot and drink a shit ton which is a quality I love in a girl. There is one girl in particular, Michela, that I think is perfect for me. She just moved to town so I want to get on that while the gettin' is good.  So yesterday I remembered that my bike was locked up close to her house and also close to the liqueur store.  It was my day off so I felt like drinking some whiskey so I decided to walk to my bike, hit up the liqour store and see what Michela was up to . I call her and she is down to chill so we end up sitting on her porch facing a bottle of Evan William.  Keep in mind it is only 4:00PM.  We kick it at her place for a while and then decide we need to have an adventure.  She just got a new bike so we decide to go to the bike store to get her a U-lock.
            Well, we take a pitstop on the way at my house and drink more whiskey and have some beers.  After we are good and wasted we stumble on down to the bike store blah blah and make it back home. Back at my place Carrie and my roomate and her boyfriend are hanging.  Michela and I finish all the beer and are officially wasted.  At this point I proceded to text my friend Abel to tell him that I have met my dream girl and that he has to come over and meet her ..... which he does.  Then Michela gets a phone call from her roomate saying that it is $1.00 burger night at Strange Matter. I should have said no thanks but since it was only 7:30pm I was down. And plus I didnt want to let the hottie go all by herself.
              So we bike there, I'm pretty much black out status at this point.  I go to the bar and I see two crust punks that are brothers.  One used to date a girl I worked with and one I used to work with at Ellwood's.  His name is Erik and he's a sorta trainhopper kid.  I always liked hanging out with him because he loves whiskey and Hank William's Sr as much as I do. Well I'm wasted and for some reason I decide to begin flirting with Erik and ignoring the hot girl I went to Strange Matter with.  This is when everything gets sorta fuzzy.  I end up leaving the bar with Erik. We go to 711 so he can buy beer.  I sorta remember him being like "should I buy condoms" but I ignored this question.
             Well, the next thing I know I'm half naked making out with this guy on the floor.  Literally THE FLOOR. His bed was a bunch of blankets and shit.  I was like "oh no honey not tonight" and I decided that I would find my pants and get the hell outta dodge.  I sorta wait for him to fall asleep (this is the good thing about punk dudes, they often get so drunk that they pass out before sex can happen) and then begin finding my items. Found everything minus my bra and then stumbled across his wallet .  Hmm $25 seems like a good amount to take being that I have to ride my bike home 2 miles in the rain at 12am.
          I'm like literally right behind my house in the alley when my bike chain breaks and I fly into a brick wall softening the fall with my knuckles.  I'm bleeding alot so of course I decide my best option is just to forget about all the blood and go get pizza rolls from Habibi's market.
Conclusion: I woke up wearing someone else's shirt and long jons and made $20 .... I love/hate myself