So first off let me just say that I am GAY. Specifically a lesbian. However, I am also slutty and this fact gets me into awkward situations with both sexes. I am tragically in love with one woman or perhaps it is just the fact that she has the biggest breasts I have ever seen and she has freckles (I am a sucker for freckles). This being said I will continue with the story of my awkward night.
So lately I've been hanging out with some punk girls. They are pretty damn hot and drink a shit ton which is a quality I love in a girl. There is one girl in particular, Michela, that I think is perfect for me. She just moved to town so I want to get on that while the gettin' is good. So yesterday I remembered that my bike was locked up close to her house and also close to the liqueur store. It was my day off so I felt like drinking some whiskey so I decided to walk to my bike, hit up the liqour store and see what Michela was up to . I call her and she is down to chill so we end up sitting on her porch facing a bottle of Evan William. Keep in mind it is only 4:00PM. We kick it at her place for a while and then decide we need to have an adventure. She just got a new bike so we decide to go to the bike store to get her a U-lock.
Well, we take a pitstop on the way at my house and drink more whiskey and have some beers. After we are good and wasted we stumble on down to the bike store blah blah and make it back home. Back at my place Carrie and my roomate and her boyfriend are hanging. Michela and I finish all the beer and are officially wasted. At this point I proceded to text my friend Abel to tell him that I have met my dream girl and that he has to come over and meet her ..... which he does. Then Michela gets a phone call from her roomate saying that it is $1.00 burger night at Strange Matter. I should have said no thanks but since it was only 7:30pm I was down. And plus I didnt want to let the hottie go all by herself.
So we bike there, I'm pretty much black out status at this point. I go to the bar and I see two crust punks that are brothers. One used to date a girl I worked with and one I used to work with at Ellwood's. His name is Erik and he's a sorta trainhopper kid. I always liked hanging out with him because he loves whiskey and Hank William's Sr as much as I do. Well I'm wasted and for some reason I decide to begin flirting with Erik and ignoring the hot girl I went to Strange Matter with. This is when everything gets sorta fuzzy. I end up leaving the bar with Erik. We go to 711 so he can buy beer. I sorta remember him being like "should I buy condoms" but I ignored this question.
Well, the next thing I know I'm half naked making out with this guy on the floor. Literally THE FLOOR. His bed was a bunch of blankets and shit. I was like "oh no honey not tonight" and I decided that I would find my pants and get the hell outta dodge. I sorta wait for him to fall asleep (this is the good thing about punk dudes, they often get so drunk that they pass out before sex can happen) and then begin finding my items. Found everything minus my bra and then stumbled across his wallet . Hmm $25 seems like a good amount to take being that I have to ride my bike home 2 miles in the rain at 12am.
I'm like literally right behind my house in the alley when my bike chain breaks and I fly into a brick wall softening the fall with my knuckles. I'm bleeding alot so of course I decide my best option is just to forget about all the blood and go get pizza rolls from Habibi's market.
Conclusion: I woke up wearing someone else's shirt and long jons and made $20 .... I love/hate myself
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